Monday, September 28, 2015

Episode Review: "Girl Meets World: of Terror 2" (#2.18)

Oh good freaking lord, what a piece of shit. WHAT. A. PIECE. OF. SHIT. I dunno, you guys. Maybe there's worse episodes? Possibly? Like "Fish" may be worse, "Friendship" may be worse, I don't know. But I don't think I've ever had such a terrible time watching one of these episodes. On a good five occasions, I start skipping ahead because it was all so excruciating, and then I'd get pretty far and then realize I actually have to watch all of this in order to review it. My god. MY GOD. This is an episode of a TV show. A slew of people produced this. Then they watched it. And then they were like "Yup. That's good. All done with that one!"

Friday, September 25, 2015

Episode Review: "Girl Meets Rileytown" (#2.17)

I've been rewatching Mad Men today, so I'm afraid I've grown accustomed to a certain lifestyle. Subtlety, wit... the absence of punchlines and live audiences. Yet now I must transition, as from the Louvre to mud art at the dawn of man, from Johnny Walker to trailer park backyard moonshine. That is to say, in the latter cases, they've done the best they can, given their environments, but... it's still hard to enjoy it. 

"Cyberbullying" is an annoying topic because there's a strike force of loud people ready to carpet bomb you no matter what your opinion is. On the other hand, I'm not going to tread lightly on my own blog. So here it is. I don't buy it. Bullying is real as fuck and it's terrible. I've dealt with it myself. Girl Meets Flaws was fine. But like... maybe when Riley gets a text, and sees that it's from this bully... maybe just don't read it. 

Friday, September 18, 2015


Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner....

Episode Review: "Girl Meets Cory and Topanga" (#2.16)

The final round of the Character Battle is live! You can vote between Shawn Hunter and Eric Matthews to decide the king on the previous post. It's even closer than Cory vs Feeny, so every vote counts!

Christian and I already yelled at each other one-on-one over this episode, something that we desperately need to stop doing. Hopefully we can recapture that same energy here.

Monday, September 14, 2015


The time has come. Thank you for joining us. Here is your bracket.

I don't think there's anything to say. You know these men. They are your friends. Your brothers. Vote well.

Oh my god. Miracles really do exist. What a surprising final match up. Who could have possibly predicted that such a matchup could have possibly occurred? If you would have told me that the finals would be between Shawn and Eric, I would have said "That is crazy. You are a lunatic. I will call up the doctor for you." What a turn of events. 

But seriously folks, this match up is about more than just Eric and Shawn. They are mere avatars for myself and Sean, respectively. So, truly, you are choosing between us. Choose wisely. We are vengeful. 

Friday, September 11, 2015

Character Battle - Semi-Finals -CLOSED-

Quite the battle, but Cory, Shawn, Eric, and Riley proved successful, and we must bid a fond adieu to Mr. Feeny, Topanga, Alan, and Maya. Here's your bracket!

Thursday, September 10, 2015

Episode Review: "Girl Meets I am Farkle" (#2.15)

About the name - I'm seeing some sources saying "Girl Meets Farkle" and some saying "Girl Meets I am Farkle." But the "I am Farkle" sources look a bit more official (including, for instance, Disney Channel itself) so I'm sticking with that for now.

There seemed to be a lot of excitement surrounding this episode and it's easy to understand why. Other than his Donnie Barnes physical transformation, Farkle's been pretty under served this season. We're halfway through and no episode has featured him as the main character and with young male additions like Zay and Charlie, plus a stronger focus on Lucas as a character than Season 1 had, it's been easy for Farkle to get lost by the wayside, particularly as he's not part of any of the show's possible romances. This episode sought to rectify that, while also tackling the serious subject of autism. Appealing things all around.

How did the episode turn out? Meh. Not terrible, but not great. There are things I liked here, Farkle seemed to be identifying his own weird behavior (particularly with regards to his fantasy relationships between Maya and Riley) and took steps to grow up and change them, to mature as much emotionally as he has physically between Donnie Barnes and, just, puberty. 

Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Character Battle - Quarterfinals

Welcome to the quarterfinals, where only 8 characters remain. Exciting matches all across the board, folks. Here's your updated bracket.

Sunday, September 6, 2015

Character Battle - Division Championships -CLOSED-

The last of Round 2 has ended. Here's your updated bracket. It shouldn't be a problem, but all previous bracket links have been decommissioned. My imgur was getting too clogged with brackets. 

AND NOW, it's time to decide each division's champion, a champion to move forward into the top 8. Christian would say "Elite Eight" because of sports, but HE'S NOT HERE IS HE. HMMM WHERE COULD HE BE, I DON'T KNOW.

Anyway. Let's get started. Some of these matches were posted for a several minutes a few days ago, which was my mistake. If you were in the five or so people who managed to vote in that time, have no fear, your vote is still stored.


Cory Matthews
CONTESTANT: Cornelius "Cory" A. Matthews
Portrayed By: Ben Savage (1993-2000, 2014-present)
First Episode: "Pilot"
Latest Episode: Ongoing
Signature Episodes: Christ. Like all of 'em. It's Cory. Here's one from each season though: "Teacher's Bet", "Danger Boy", "Brother Brother", "Wheels", "Things Change", "Better than the Average Cory", "Brave New World"
Episode Count: 192 (and counting) - only character to appear in every single episode of the Meets World franchise
Claim to Fame: Main character of Boy Meets World
Occupation: History teacher at John Quincy Adams Junior High
Approximate Age: 35
Current Status: Living in Manhattan
Strengths: Slavishly loyal, altruistic, reliable, can muster happiness and enthusiasm over the smallest things
Weaknesses: Neurotic, self-absorbed, hopelessly resistant to change, can muster paranoia and despair over the smallest things


Frankie Stecchino
CONTESTANT: Francis "Frankie" Albert Stecchino Jr. AKA Frankie the Enforcer
Portrayed By: Ethan Suplee (1994-1998)
First Episode: "Back 2 School"
Latest Episode: "Graduation"
Signature Episodes: "Cyrano", "New Friends and Old", "Sixteen Candles and Four-Hundred Pound Men"
Episode Count: 19
Claim to Fame: High school bully, taciturn poet
Occupation: Unknown, planning to be a criminal last we heard
Approximate Age: 40
Current Status: Unknown
Strengths: Soulful, Poetic, Strong
Weaknesses: Shy, Insecure, Prone to violence

Cory has defeated Frankie with 97% of the vote against 3%.

Jonathan Turner 
CONTESTANT: Jonathan Turner
Portrayed By: Anthony Tyler Quinn (1994-1997, 2015-present)
First Episode: "Back 2 School" 
Latest Episode: "Girl Meets Creativity" 
Signature Episode: "Home", "I Never Sang For My Legal Guardian", "Girl Meets the New Teacher"
Episode Count: 49 (with more to come, likely)
Claim to Fame: John Adams High English Teacher, Shawn's guardian
Occupation: New York City School Superintendent 
Approximate Age: Early 50s
Current Status: Living in New York
Strengths: Independent, Gutsy, Unconventional
Weaknesses: Occasionally dodges commitment, maybe a little reckless with the motorcycle


George Feeny
CONTESTANT: George Feeny
Portrayed By: William Daniels (1993-2000, 2014, 2015)
First Episode: "Pilot"
Latest Episode: "Girl Meets Pluto"
Signature Episode: "Father Knows Less", "City Slackers", "Life Lessons", "B&B's B'n'B", "Brave New World", God, I could have done so much more.
Episode Count: 145
Claim to Fame: Everyone's teacher/mentor
Occupation: Teacher/Principal/Professor (retired)
Approximate Age: 80s
Current Status: Living in Philadelphia
Strengths: Wise, Dedicated to his students, Probably omniscient
Weaknesses: Reserved, Prone to let life pass him by, plays favorites

Feeny has defeated Turner with 91% of the vote against 9%.

Topanga Matthews
CONTESTANT: Topanga Lawrence-Matthews
Portrayed By: Danielle Fishel (1993-2000, 2014-present)
First Episode: "Cory's Alternative Friends"
Latest Episode: Ongoing
Signature Episode: 
"Cory's Alternative Friends", "Boy Meets Girl", "Hair Today, Goon Tomorrow", "A Long Walk to Pittsburgh", "Starry Night", "Graduation", a lot more, it's Topanga
Episode Count: 175 (and counting)
Claim to Fame: Cory's girlfriend/wife
Occupation: Attorney/Owner of Topanga's Cafe
Approximate Age: 35
Current Status: Living in Manhattan
Strengths: Perfectionist, Intelligent, Empathetic
Weaknesses: Perfectionist, Bossy, Not always tons of fun


Amy Matthews
CONTESTANT: Amy Matthews
Portrayed By: Betsy Randle (1993-2000, 2014)
First Episode: "Pilot" 
Latest Episode: "Girl Meets Home for the Holidays" 
Signature Episode: 
"I Ain't Gonna Spray Lettuce No More", "A Long Walk to Philadelphia (Part 2)", "How to Succeed in Business" 
Episode Count: 135
Claim to Fame: Cory and Eric's mother
Occupation: Gallery worker/Real Estate agent/Matthews & Son Co-Owner
Approximate Age: 60
Current Status: Living in Philadelphia

Strengths: Perceptive, Pragmatic, Loving
Weaknesses: Not as well-drawn as Alan

Topanga has defeated Amy with 85% of the vote against 15%.


Angela Moore
CONTESTANT: Angela Shinaynay Moore
Portrayed By: Trina McGee-Davis (1997-2000, 2015)
First Episode: 
"Boy Meets the Real World"
Latest Episode: 
"Girl Meets Hurricane"
Signature Episodes: 
"Chasing Angela", "Friendly Persuasion", "Angela's Men", "Angela's Ashes"
Episode Count: 
Claim to Fame: 
Shawn's first love
Approximate Age: 
Current Status: 
Still living in Europe, maybe?
Complex, Outgoing, Shawn Hunter's dream girl
Trust issues, a little self-centered


Shawn Hunter
CONTESTANT: Shawn Patrick Hunter
Portrayed By: Rider Strong (1993-2000, 2014-present) 
First Episode: "Pilot"
Latest Episode: "Girl Meets Hurricane"
Signature Episodes: 
"The Fugitive", "Home", "The Eskimo", "If You Can't Be With the One You Love...", "We'll Have a Good Time Then...", "Family Trees", "Angela's Ashes" 
Episode Count: 
162 (and counting)
Claim to Fame: Cory's best friend
Blogger/Photographer for Hit the Road
Approximate Age: 
Current Status: 
Globetrotter, but starting to become more based in Manhattan
Soulful, Charming, Devil-may-care
Self-destructive, Self-pitying, Avoidance issues


Shawn has defeated Angela with 96% of the vote against 4%.


Eric Matthews
CONTESTANT: Eric Randall Matthews
Portrayed By: Will Friedle (1993-2000, 2015-Present)
First Episode: "Pilot"
Latest Episode: "Girl Meets Semi-Formal"
Signature Episode: "Brother Brother", "You Can Go Home Again", "Uncle Daddy", "Security Guy", "Learning to Fly", "Raging Cory", "Eric Hollywood", "Can I Help to Cheer You?", "I'm Gonna Be Like You, Dad", "Brotherly Shove"
Episode Count: 157 (and hopefully counting)
Claim to Fame: Cory's older brother
Occupation: Junior Senator from the State of New York, former Mayor of St. Upidtown.
Approximate Age: 37
Current Status: Splits time between St. Upidville, NY and Washington, D.C.
Strengths: Genius(/Idiot), Charismatic, Incorruptible
Weaknesses: Idiot(/Genius), Irresponsible, Occasional narcissism


Jack Hunter
Portrayed By: Matthew Lawrence (1997-2000, 2015)
First Episode: "Brothers"
Latest Episode: "Girl Meets Semi-Formal"
Signature Episode: "Brothers", "Boy Meets Real World", "Getting Hitched", "You Light Up My Union", "Girl Meets Semi-Formal"
Episode Count: 65
Claim to Fame: Shawn's half-brother, Eric's second sidekick
Occupation: Lobbyist/Corporate Shill 
Approximate Age: 37
Current Status: Living in.... New York? Was that made clear?
Strengths: Driven, Practical, Good guy deep down, Can handle Eric (though not quite as well as Jason)
Weaknesses: Amoral, Elitist, Vain, If It Ain't Broke....

Eric has defeated Jack with 95% of the vote against 5%.


Chet Hunter
Portrayed By: Blake Clark (1995-2000, 2015)
First Episode: "Career Day"
Latest Episode: "Girl Meets Hurricane"
Signature Episode: "Career Day", "I Never Sang for My Legal Guardian", "Janitor Dad", "Brothers", "We'll Have a Good Time Then", "Road Trip"
Episode Count: 13
Claim to Fame: Shawn's father
Occupation: Con Man/Schemer/Overall n'er-do-well
Approximate Age: 50 when he died,  late 60s if alive today
Current Status: Deceased
Strengths: Ambitious, Sly, Gregarious
Weaknesses: Irresponsible, Untrustworthy, General scoundrel


Alan Matthews
CONTESTANT: Alan Matthews
Portrayed By: William Russ (1993-2000, 2014)
First Episode: "Pilot " (1993)
Latest Episode: "Girl Meets Home for the Holidays"
Signature Episodes: "Father Knows Less," "I Ain't Gonna Spray Lettuce No More," "Raging Cory," "Better Than the Average Cory"
Episode Count: 131
Claim to Fame: Patriarch of the Matthews family
Occupation: Owns an outdoor-gear store, previously a grocer, maybe retired
Approximate Age: 60
Current Status:  Living in Philadelphia
Strengths: A great father, down to earth, generous, hard working
Weaknesses: Set in his ways, trouble maintaining equal relationships with his kids


Alan has defeated Chet with 85% of the votes against 15%.

Maya Hart
CONTESTANT: Maya Penelope Hart
Portrayed By: Sabrina Carpenter (2014-present)
First Episode: "Girl Meets World"
Latest Episode: "Ongoing"
Signature Episodes: "Girl Meets Maya's Mother", "Girl Meets Master Plan", "Girl Meets Hurricane", "Girl Meets Yearbook"
Episode Count: 35 (and counting)
Claim to Fame: Riley's best friend
Occupation: Eighth-grader at John Quincy Adams Junior High
Approximate Age: 14
Current Status: Living in Manhattan
Strengths: Cool, Fierce, Artistic
Weaknesses: Insecure, Not as tough as she thinks, Kind of an asshole sometimes


Farkle Minkus
CONTESTANT: Farkle Minkus
Portrayed By: Corey Fogelmanis (2014-present)
First Episode: "Girl Meets World"
Latest Episode: Ongoing
Signature Episode: "Girl Meets Flaws", "Girl Meets Farkle's Choice", "Girl Meets Yearbook"
Episode Count: 34 (and counting)
Claim to Fame: Riley's friend, Minkus' son
Occupation: Eighth grader at John Quincy Adams Junior High
Approximate Age: 13
Current Status: Living in Manhattan
Strengths: Intelligent, Ambitious, Confident
Weaknesses: Creepy sometimes, Machiavellian, Occasionally verges on pathetic

Maya has defeated Farkle with 79% of the vote against 21%.

Griff Hawkins
Contestant: Griffin "Griff " Hawkins
Portrayed By: Adam Scott (1995)
First Episode: "Pop Quiz"
Latest Episode: "He Said, She Said"
Signature Episode: "The Thrilla' in Phila' "
Episode Count: 3
Claim to Fame: The "cool" leader of John Adams High's underworld after Harley.
Occupation: Unknown, probably a fucking billionaire.
Approximate Age: 37
Current Status: Unknown
Strengths: Extremely charismatic, good leader, sharp business acumen
Weaknesses: Arrogant, Brazenly disregards authority


Riley Matthews
Contestant:  Riley Matthews
Portrayed By: Rowan Blanchard (2014-present)
First Episode: "Girl Meets World"
Latest Episode: Ongoing
Signature Episode: "Girl Meets World", "Girl Meets the New World", "Girl Meets the Tell-Tale Tot", "Girl Meets Yearbook", "Girl Meets Semi-Formal"
Episode Count: 35 (and counting)
Claim to Fame: Cory and Topanga's daughter
Occupation:  Eighth-grader at John Quincy Adams Junior High
Approximate Age: 13
Current Status: Living in Manhattan
Strengths: Cheerful, Honest, Loving
Weaknesses: Oblivious, Poor impulse control, Self-centered

Riley has defeated Griff with 85% of the votes against 15%.

Thursday, September 3, 2015

Girl Meets Season 1 At a Glance

Pssssst. Hey guys. It's me Christian. Just me this time. Hi! We don't need Sean for THIS ONE. This is just about you and me. 

Now, that all of Season 1 is finally reviewed I wanted to have a place with all my episode grades and MVPs altogether in a list. So, here it is:

  1. "Girl Meets World": C (MVP: Ben Savage)
  2. "Girl Meets Boy": C+ (MVP: Sabrina Carpenter)
  3. "Girl Meets Sneak Attack": C+ (MVP: Olivia Stuck)
  4. "Girl Meets Father": D+ (MVP: Peyton Meyer)
  5. "Girl Meets Truth": B+ (MVP: Ben Savage)
  6. "Girl Meets Popular": C+ (MVP: Sabrina Carpenter )
  7. "Girl Meets Maya's Mother": A- (MVP: Lee Norris) [I find my MVP choice on this one suspect]
  8. "Girl Meets Smackle": B (MVP: Rowan Blanchard)
  9. "Girl Meets 1961": D (MVP: Sabrina Carpenter)
  10. "Girl Meets Crazy Hat": D+ (MVP: Danielle Fishel)
  11. "Girl Meets World: of Terror": C- (MVP: Rowan Blanchard)
  12. "Girl Meets the Forgotten": B (MVP: Sabrina Carpenter)
  13. "Girl Meets Flaws": C (MVP: Ben Savage)
  14. "Girl Meets Friendship": F (MVP: Danielle Fishel)
  15. "Girl Meets Brother": A- (MVP: Rowan Blanchard) [Wow, that seems an exceptionally high grade.... I should rewatch this one, maybe....]
  16. "Girl Meets Home for the Holidays": B+ (MVP: Rider Strong)
  17. "Girl Meets Game Night": B (MVP: Ben Savage)
  18. "Girl Meets Master Plan": A (MVP: Rider Strong)
  19. "Girl Meets Farkle's Choice: C- (MVP: Corey Fogelmanis)
  20. "Girl Meets First Date": B (MVP: Rowan Blanchard)
  21. "Girl Meets Demolition": B+ (MVP: Danielle Fishel)
  22. "Girl Meets Fish": F (MVP: Rowan Blachard, awarded under duress)
Top episodes by grade:
  1. "Girl Meets Master Plan": A
  2. "Girl Meets Maya's Mother": A-
  3. "Girl Meets Brother": A-
  4. "Girl Meets Home for the Holidays": B+ (I was way too lenient on this one)
  5. "Girl Meets Truth": B+
  6. "Girl Meets Demolition": B+
Worst episodes by grade:
  1. "Girl Meets Fish": F
  2. "Girl Meets Friendship": F
  3. "Girl Meets 1961": D
  4. "Girl Meets Crazy Hat": D+
  5. "Girl Meets Father": D+
MVP Count:
  1. Rowan Blanchard: 5
  2. Sabrina Carpenter: 4
  3. Ben Savage: 4
  4. Danielle Fishel: 3
  5. Rider Strong: 2
  6. Peyton Meyer: 1
  7. Corey Fogelmanis: 1
  8. Olivia Stuck: 1
  9. Lee Norris: 1

Episode Reviews: "Girl Meets Sneak Attack" (#1.03) and "Girl Meets Father" (#1.04)

And so, we finish our Anniversary celebration of doing micro-reviews for the first two episodes.

Episode Review: "Girl Meets Sneak Attack" (#1.03)

I had sort of forgotten about Missy Bradford until someone in the comments suggested her as a possible culprit for the person bullying Riley in an upcoming episode that will be about that. It's a good idea. I like Missy in this episode (as a character, not as a person) and her performer, Olivia Stuck, does a good job. Riley's life is generally so blissful, it's nice seeing an antagonist for her and it's probably something she could use in a recurring fashion. I liked Missy too. She is exactly what's missing from this show. Doesn't need to be every episode, but an antagonist is pretty damn important to any story. We had bullies in Boy, but the antagonist in Boy was really "The World," constantly giving Cory a hard time. The World doesn't seem to be giving Riley a very hard time. By all accounts her life is super duper easy. So she needs some other form of antagonist. 

You know who's not good in this episode? Lucas. I recall this being the episode that really cemented my dislike for him, as he spends the entire episode just smiling blandly being clearly fought over like a Ken doll without a care in the world. The whole conflict is around keeping this horrible girl away from Lucas, because it's apparently taken for granted that Lucas is too weak-willed and stupid to make any decisions for himself. Then he finally, pathetically, does speak for himself at the very end. It's all dumb and lame and I hate it and him. This is indeed the episode where we all realized how much of a chore Lucas was going to be. This picture is an accurate summary of his contribution to the episode:
I'm glad he lost to Charlie.

Character Battle Round 2 - Yellow Division -CLOSED-

Silver round 2 is now closed. You can see the updated bracket here.

Character Battle Round 2 - Red Division -CLOSED-

Blue Round 2 is closed, here's your bracket.

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Character Battle Round 2 - White Division -CLOSED-

Got another great match here. Which non-Cory-that-Shawn-cares-about do you like more?

Character Battle Round 2 - Green Division -CLOSED-

The voting for Round 1 has come to an end, with some of the more interesting matches being Eli's very close win over the Dean, Nicksay's convincing win over Ridgeway (which I did not expect) and CHARLIE GARDNER beating out the Disney Prince Lucas himself after only appearing in one episode. Way to go Charlie. You can see the results of round one here on the bracket.