Girl Meets World Special Investigation: Farkle's Mother

Christian and I started having a conversation about it, and I know all you readers want to weigh in, so I'm just going to transcribe it into a blog post:

http://tvline.com/2015/06/05/girl-meets-world-farkle-mom-minkus-wife-clues/

Seriously, who the hell is she?! I have no earthly idea. We need to do a post where we systematically go through the options and theorize.

It can't possibly be Lauren. 

"Radically different and evolved", "last person to be married to Minkus," I would have previously believed Dana but after those two statements she doesn't make a lot of sense. I don't think anyone would want to see Dana be radically different. I certainly don't. It would be awesome to see her again, but not if she's radically different. At the moment I think Jennifer is the best fit for all the criteria. 

Lauren Surprisedshenevergotalastname

I just honestly don't think the average fan would remember Jennifer. Even Dana's gonna be a little "Wait, which one was she?" to most people. And what's the point of making it be either of them? There's not going to be, like, shock value. It'd be like Cory and Topanga going "Oh, you married Dana? Okay." Why all the secrecy if it's Dana or Jennifer or someone like that? And why do it at all?

I agree - it couldn't be Lauren. How could it be Lauren? Linda Cardellini's like... a real actress. She's got her own Netflix show right now. She was just in Avengers 2. When she guest stars on things, it's to be in stuff like Mad Men, not Disney Channel shows. And yet... Lauren's the only person who makes sense in this context. I really think she is. I'd immediately understand why they did it, if they did it.

But yeah, I vote we list out every candidate in a post, and rate the odds of it being them.

Jennifer Bassett

Girls who appeared in more than one episode....

Lauren

Dana

Whoever the third Valentine's girl was 

Jennifer 

Wendy? She was in 2, right?

The blonde girl from California Dreams was both the girl who "went with the jacket" a when Cory was a wrestler and someone Eric flirted with in Season 1

Whoops, almost put Trini. RIP Brittany Murphy.

I don't know. Is that it? God, there's like no candidates even.

Maybe it's Cat, Turner's girlfriend from Season 2. I bet it's Cat.

WHAT IF IT'S T.K.?! What if Michael Jacobs just doesn't remember how many episodes T.K. was in. Oh man, I want it to be T.K.

Theresa "T.K." Keiner

Jacobs said, “She was so happy and proud. She did a couple of episodes for us [on Boy Meets World]. She asked, ‘Was I indelible to you that way?’ And I said, ‘Absolutely.’ She is to [the viewers], too; you’ve just forgotten.” That's the most interesting part of the article for me. That just doesn't sound like Lauren. Would Cardellini really ask if she was indelible? "did a couple of episodes" doesn't sound like Lauren either. But "happy and proud" doesn't sound like Jennifer... Not the happy part anyway. Now I'm back on Dana. 

Dana Pruitt

You know what, it's Dean Bolander. The Dean decided she wanted a younger version of Feeny.

Lila Bolander-Feeny

You know who else it could be? It could be that Georgia Peach that Eric dated in Season 2. I think she was in two episodes.

You know who it technically maybe could be though? Like, it's probably just.... barely biologically possible? Virna. I'm just saying. What if Minkus is Shawn's stepfather?

I don't know why Cardellini is any less likely to ask if she was indelible than Larisa Oleynik? They're both much better known for other roles, they both only did a handful of episodes of this in their early careers. I think both would be surprised to hear "Really? You want me back?" But, yeah, Cardellini's career is going more gangbusters than Oleynik's, so it does seem more likely that she'd be "happy and proud" to do this. If Cardellini did it, it would probably be like "Uh, yeah, sure, I guess. Call my agent, he'll set something up. What was my character's thing again?"

Desiree

You honestly just blew my mind with the Georgia Peach, Desiree. It could ABSOLUTELY be Desiree, I'm not even joking. That would be hilarious. 

I misread the article at first, I thought he was saying the character was happy and proud, but you're right, he meant the actress. So that doesn't disqualify Jennifer. 

Idk, Lauren is just too important to the original story. How could she be radically different and evolved? And how would Minkus ever meet her? I am marking down my opinion right now, "It is not Lauren." If I'm wrong, then we can all come back and say I'm a doofus.

Desiree is a really fun idea though. I could see Minkus being her desperate slave boy, like she did to Eric and Jason. 

I don't really think it could be Desiree (thanks for reminding me of what her name was!) It's got that same "But... why?" issue that Jennifer and Dana have, and I think she's even less famous of a character than they are, since Larisa Oleynik and Kristanna Lokken are known for other things. It'd be super fun for, like, us. But for most of the audience it's just going to be, like, "The fuck?"

I do agree Lauren's too important. She's not as... disposable as the rest are. Being Minkus' wife and the punchline to a If-I-Can't-Have-Topanga-Guess-I'll-Take-Lauren joke is worse than she deserves. And we already know the Minkuses have an unhappy marriage, and I'm not cool with that and I don't think they'd want that to be Lauren's deal. And if she's radically different, it probably means she's suck now. 

But, god, just, no one else makes any damn sense.

Woah, I forgot Jennifer's actor's last name is Lokken. I would marry her just to take her last name. It is unfortunate that every female falls into "throwaway" or "too-important".  

I dunno man. I'm gonna be losing sleep. It has to be Lauren but it can't be Lauren. Jennifer makes sense but who would give a shit other than me? Dana is a decent middle ground between those two, I think. You'd be surprised how many people remember "the first girl Shawn really liked/dated for more than one episode." 

MAYBE IT'S TOPANGA'S SISTER NEBULA. 

DID I JUST CRACK THE CASE?!

Maybe it's Feeny's niece, Keri Russell! 

I don't know, there's a lot of good choices here. And, really, all of them went on to become pretty prominent actresses where it'd be kind of cool to get them to guest star, but not so famous where it'd be like outside the realm of possibility that they'd get them. Well, I guess Sydney Bennett, girl who played Desiree, didn't wind up doing much.  So, it's probably not going to be her, she's probably all washed up and not camera-ready anymore anyway so--

Sydney Bennett, modern day

Oh. Oh, hi. Hi, how's it... how's it going? My name's Christian. Can I get you something? Like a drink or... oh, you already have one. So, um, anyway, do you live around here or... oh, you're going back to your... got it, yeah, no, me too. Totally. Okay, well, do you maybe have a phone number that I... oh, you're walking away.

The Desiree hype train is definitely chugging its way down the tracks. 

I don't know, final guess? Official final guesses? I'm sticking with Dana Pruitt.

Whoa! Brand new evidence! 

Apparently this is a character that appeared in SEASON ONE?! That negates the possibility of, well, just about everyone. Except the blonde girl who "goes with the jacket". So I guess.... I guess it's her? This link makes a strong case for it being her. The fuck? I bet she just... is, like, friends with Ben Savage or something. 

Yeah that's pretty cut and dry and means we wasted the past few hours talking about it. Have you seen a source on "she was in season 1"? It just doesn't jive with that tvline article we opened the post with. Jacobs thinks we'll be happy to see the return of that character? She'll be radically different from what, exactly? 

If the clues that they're claiming are indeed clues, then it has to be Packard. But man that is fucking stupid.

And... we have a winner?

Nope, have not seen a source on that. I just Googled "Farkle's Mom" for insight just now, and up popped this! I hope it's not the case. I mean, they can't possibly even try to pretend this is a character people would remember. I'm not even sure her wrestling groupie character was meant to be the same as her lobster dunking character. She was the lobster dunking character, right? This is dumb. Some people will remember her from Saved by the Bell's little sister, California Dreams. And that's it.

Also, I looked her up, and A) She converted to Mormonism after her career and is now married with a trillion kids and B) She looks rather matronly now. I don't know, man. I don't know if I buy this.


She plays a girl named Tracy in Model Family (with the dunk tank) and It's A Wonderful Night, but her name was Candy in that wrestling episode. I figured it out though, because Jacobs is FUCKING OBSESSED with Baywatch and assumes that everyone in his viewerbase is as well, I think that's why he believes we're excited to see her. Because the actress was on Baywatch. 

I kind of want to go join a monastery or something, this is super disappointing.

Haha, how do you know he's obsessed with Baywatch? Is that true? How do you know this?

There were like five guest actresses on BMW who were also on Baywatch, And of course, that gem from Quiz Show "Pamela Anderson plays sexy lifeguard C.J. Parker." I am unable to chalk it all up to coincidence.

Oh, that was just the '90s. Everyone talked about Baywatch back then. Joey and Chandler were big fans on Friends, remember? The kind of actresses doing guest stints on BMW are also the kind of actresses who'd be on Baywatch. I'm sure there's a wealth of not-exactly-A-List pretty young actresses in in the '90s who wound up on Baywatch. I'm not prepared to accept it speaks to an obsession with Baywatch.

Still, guess I'll lock-in Kelly Packard as Whoeverthefuck as my guess. I assume you're doing the same? What a waste of time. Well, it was fun! 

But for the record, at the time you locked in Dana, I actually probably would have gone with Lauren. 

That's a wrap folks, thank you(?) for joining us on this farce of an investigation. Outraged at Kelly Packard's reprisal of Whoeverthefuck? Spontaneously combusted in anger? We'd love to hear about it in the comments. And stay tuned for our review of Girl Meets The Tell-Tale-Tot later tonight. 

Following up on our previous post about Jack, the current standings for "excited to see them again" go like Jack > Angela > Whoeverthefuck. That's right, this one is worse than Angela.