Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Character Battle Round 1 - Blue Division -CLOSED-

Welcome to the beginning of the most exciting thing to happen to you since dinner. The "Three Days" window will begin and end at midnight Eastern USA Time because that is what I, Sean Of Golden Text and Golden Heart, have decided. 

So here we are at midnight, 12 AM Wednesday morning (Tuesday night) with the first batch of poll matchups. They'll stay open until 12 AM Saturday morning (Friday night). 

You can find all the bracket information and more detailed information about how the Character Battle works on the announcement page here. 

The polls are designed to only allow one vote per person, but if you somehow find a way around that... just don't. I mean come on. What's the point. Currently everyone who reads this blog is on the list of people I'd want to have a beer with, but if you vote more than once, you get taken off that list. And I'd hate for that to happen.

This post is home to Blue Division's first round matchups! Cory, of course, gets a BYE first round, not a BUY as everyone on the whole entire internet has made sure to tell me.

TORN ON WHO TO VOTE FOR?! Here's some profiles!


CONTESTANT #2: Jedediah Lawrence 
Portrayed By: Peter Tork (1995), Michael McKean (1999), Mark Harelik (1999)
First Episode: "Career Day" (BMW: 2x22)
Final Episode: "It's About Time" (BMW: 7x07)
Signature Episode: "State of the Unions (BMW: 6x22)
Episode Count: 6
Claim to Fame: Topanga's father
Occupation: Luthier (Though that doesn't really jive with later incarnations)
Approximate Age: 60s
Current Status: Unknown, presumably living in Pittsburgh
Strengths: Musical, Fan of Alf
Weaknesses: Disloyal, Kind of a jackass


CONTESTANT #3: Joshua "Josh" Gabriel Matthews
Portrayed By: Some Baby (1999), Daniel Jacobs (2000), Uriah Shelton (2014-present)
First Episode: "My Baby Valentine" (BMW: 6x16)
Latest Episode: "Girl Meets the Tell-Tale Tot" (GMW: 2x06) 
Signature Episodes: "Girl Meets First Date" (GMW: 1x20), Girl Meets the Tell-Tale Tot" (GMW: 2x06)
Episode Count: 7
Claim to Fame: Matthews family late addition, Riley's dreamboat uncle
Occupation: High school senior
Approximate Age: 17
Current Status: Living in Philadelphia, headed to NYC to attend NYU next year
Strengths: Charming, Cool, Loyal
Weaknesses: Flirts with children


Joshua Matthews has defeated Jedediah Lawrence, 86% of votes against 14% of votes.


CONTESTANT #4: Francis "Frankie" Albert Stecchino Jr. AKA Frankie the Enforcer
Portrayed By: Ethan Suplee (1994-1998)
First Episode: "Back 2 School" (BMW: 2x01)
Latest Episode: "Graduation" (BMW: 5x24) 
Signature Episodes: "Cyrano" (BMW: 2x13), "New Friends and Old" (BMW: 3x13), "Sixteen Candles and Four-Hundred Pound Men" (BMW: 4x09)
Episode Count: 19
Claim to Fame: High school bully, taciturn poet
Occupation: Unknown, planning to be a criminal last we heard
Approximate Age: 40
Current Status: Unknown
Strengths: Soulful, Poetic, Strong
Weaknesses: Shy, Insecure, Prone to violence


CONTESTANT #4: Lonnie Boden
Portrayed By: Jennifer Campbell (1996-1997)
First Episode: "Janitor Dad" (BMW: 4x06)
Latest Episode: "Chick Like Me" (BMW: 4x15) 
Signature Episodes: Any of 'em
Episode Count: 3
Claim to Fame: Alan's employee, sexy mountain girl 
Occupation: Former sales clerk at Matthews & Son Wilderness Supplies
Approximate Age: 40
Current Status: Unknown
Strengths: Friendly, Knows her outdoor gear, strong survival skills
Weaknesses: Naive, overly aggressive

Frankie The Enforcer has defeated Lonnie Boden with 83% of votes against 17% of votes.


CONTESTANT #6: Theresa "T.K." Keiner
Portrayed By: Danielle Harris (1994)
First Episode: "Sister Theresa" (BMW: 2x10)
Latest Episode: "Sister Theresa" (BMW: 2x10)
Signature Episodes: "Sister Theresa" (BMW: 2x07)
Episode Count: 1
Claim to Fame: Harley's little sister, early Cory girlfriend
Occupation: Unknown
Approximate Age: 35
Current Status: Unknown
Strengths: Tough, Well-connected in the meat industry, romantic
Weaknesses: Uncouth, comes on too strong


CONTESTANT #7: Stuart Minkus
Portrayed By: Lee Norris (1993-1994, 1998, 2014-present)
First Episode: "On the Fence" (BMW: 1x02)
Latest Episode: "Girl Meets Maya's Mother (GMW: 1x07)
Signature Episodes: Any of 'em
Episode Count: 24 (more on the way)
Claim to Fame: Nerd, Cory's middle school nemesis, Farkle's father
Occupation: President and CEO of Minkus International
Approximate Age: 35
Current Status: Living in Manhattan
Strengths: Genius intellect, driven, successful in all endeavors but one
Weaknesses: Won't take no for an answer, taught his son that behavior, kind of spiteful

Stuart Minkus has defeated T.K with 79% of votes against 21% of votes.

Unsatisfied? Itching for more? Make sure to come back tomorrow for the first round matches in Silver Division. Are you the only person on Earth who likes Harper more than Turner? Trying to avoid the JANITOR'S CURSE? Well then you better be here to make your voice heard!


  1. I don't know who'd vote for Josh over Jed. It's Michael McKean picture, but there's also Peter Tork and the other guy. There's a Jed for everyone.

    Frankie over Lonnie is a given. No question.

    I voted for TK, but I don't think she could beat Minkus.

    1. I can tell you who would vote for Josh over Jed. Women who remember being teens or preteens and having crushes on guys who were way too old for them, like the friends of a very much older sibling. (Sort of Topanga and Eric).

    2. I agree Jed over Josh. Especially the Tork version. He was awesome--he's the one who I can believe gave us Hippie Topanga. I miss Hippie Topanga. And he was in a band with Reg! Reginald Fairfield!

      And Frankie is awesome. He better be on the show at some point. Outside of family--and that includes Shawn--he was probably Cory's best friend. Heck he and Vader could have been the guest stars for "Rah-Rah" instead of the celebrity guest star who shall remain nameless.

      I agree, TK is charming but I voted for Minkus. His banter with Shawn was hilarious (Future Plumber).

    3. I can you someone else who would vote for Josh over Jed: me.

      Jed was boring at best, an asshole at worst.

    4. I don't disagree that Jed is not a very good character. I don't like his most recent incarnations at all--recent being a relative term, seeing as I don't think Topanga's even mentioned her parents in "Girl Meets World." But keep in mind I voted for Luthier Tork Jed, not Alf-Jed. Luthier Tork Jed was cool--and called Topanga "Tippy" which I thought was funny.

      Josh has not wowed me. The actor's decent enough, but he's so rarely on the show and most of his screen time is used up to be with Maya. He's Riley's uncle. Can't we see him be Riley's uncle or Cory's brother?

    5. The relationship between Cory and Josh is probably pretty interesting. My brother and I have a large age difference, but it's less than a decade. I imagine that Josh grew up knowing he had older brothers, but they were out of the house before he was born. His brothers would have been a fleeting presence in his life. My guess is that for years he got along better with Eric. Eric seems better with little kids. Cory and Josh probably got closer as Josh got a little older.

    6. The Matthews family's pretty tight though, I'm sure even despite the age difference and Eric and Cory not living in Philly anymore, they were pretty close. But yeah, because of the age difference, it does make Eric and Cory almost more like uncles to Josh than true brothers, just like Riley feels more like his little cousin than his *niece*. Morgan In the Middle is likely the only one who feels sibling-y to everyone. I'd really like to see all four of them in a scene together.

      I think Josh is fine. I think Shelton's pretty good, and the best of the young male cast. I agree we haven't seen him much, but he's made a pretty big impression, I think. It is weird that it's been so long since we've seen him (we've gotten two Eric episodes since Josh's last one) and it does concern me that because they have (wisely) decided not to go the Maya/Josh route that they're just ditching Josh altogether.

    7. Christian, I have to ask one thing. Do we know for certain that they've decided not to go the Josh/Maya route? Is that confirmed? Because all I can see is that Lucas is just the third part of a potential triangle between himself, Maya and Josh.

    8. We do not know. The forecast for an upcoming episode inclues "Maya and Josh get closer."

    9. Christian- "The Matthews family's pretty tight though, I'm sure even despite the age difference and Eric and Cory not living in Philly anymore, they were pretty close. But yeah, because of the age difference, it does make Eric and Cory almost more like uncles to Josh than true brothers, just like Riley feels more like his little cousin than his *niece*. Morgan In the Middle is likely the only one who feels sibling-y to everyone."

      That's what I was trying to say, but I think you did a better job of explaining it. I agree with you, I would love a scene of the four siblings together.

      I would also like to see how Eric or Josh deals with being put in a situation where he has to be the authority figure/responsible adult. Maybe it's a late night movie/event, and the parents don't like the idea of Riley and her friends being out late alone, but they no problem if Josh or Eric is there to be a responsible adult.

    10. I should clarify. I don't have anything against Josh Matthews; the actor is competent and charismatic. I'm just saying that none of his episodes are ones I would go out of my way to watch. I /would/ go out of my way to watch Peter Tork as Jed. When I said that Shelton as Uncle Josh hasn't wowed me, that's what I meant. Josh hasn't been in an episode that had a Michael Jacobs Moment instead of a Disney Channel Is Holding Me On A Tight Leash Moment.

      Mind you, I would /only/ do so for Tork as Jed. Topanga's parents didn't appear again until the whole "My parents are divorcing. Love is a lie!" storyline and a standard keyboard and the parameters of leaving a comment cannot convey how much I DESPISED that storyline.

      Tork was the Jed Lawerence I was first introduced to (I saw the series in syndication and only then in bits and pieces for a while. It wasn't until Boy Meets World returned to ABC Family after a few years of being off that I fell in love with the series properly.

      I agree with you guys on the Matthews, though; I'd love to see the four siblings together. And Grandpa and Grandma again, but I digress. Cory and Eric had very little interaction with Morgan when she was a little girl so it'd be interesting to see what's happening in their relationship now.

      Heck, I don't think Eric and Morgan even spoke to each other in the finale--I think the last time their relationship was even mentioned was the intensely-hated-by-Christian-episode "Family Ties." Which if dialogue about Virna Hunter is anything to consider, may no longer be canon. This is good; it means Alan Matthews is back as an awesome boxer from the US Navy where he belongs.

      Tangent aside, I do wonder if Cory, feeling guilty for not being close to Morgan as a kid, has encouraged Riley to be as close as possible to Auggie.

      "I would also like to see how Eric or Josh deals with being put in a situation where he has to be the authority figure/responsible adult. Maybe it's a late night movie/event, and the parents don't like the idea of Riley and her friends being out late alone, but they no problem if Josh or Eric is there to be a responsible adult."

      We got a glimpse of this in "Tell-Tale Tot" where Josh does the responsible thing in walking the girls home. I did not like "Tell-Tale Tot" very much--I think I would have preferred seeing the kids--and Uncle Josh--get busted by Cory and Topanga when they try to sneak back in.

      Josh has a lot of potential and who knows, they may bring him back a bit more in Season 3 when he's at NYU and therefore, in the neighborhood.

    11. Man, was Peter Tork's Jed really indelible to people? He had a minor role in two episodes. I get that he was in the Monkees, and maybe I'm just not the Monkees fan other people are, but.... who cares about Tork's Jed? I thought that Monkees episode was pretty lame.

      I also think it was a shame how little Morgan was utilized and how her relationships with everyone went to shit. Remember the days when Eric and Morgan would have little storylines together and he called her "Weasel."? This is one of the reasons I'm a proponent of Morgan 1, she felt like a part of the family, rather than the afterthought Lindsay Ridgeway's was. I maintain that if you actually counted up lines of dialogue, Lily Nicksay's Morgan might wind up having had more despite being in only 2 seasons rather than 5.

      What I think they should have done is, if Lily wasn't working out for whatever reason and you had to lose her anyway, bring in an older Morgan who could start as a Freshman at John Adams in Season 4. I think that would have been an interesting dynamic for Cory, putting him in the role of Eric in those middle seasons of having an underclassmen younger sibling. And a girl too, so giving him opportunities to be protective of her in dating situations, etc. Ordinarily I'm not a fan of recasting and Soap Opera Rapid Aging Syndrome, but if Lily Nicksay was gone either way, and you HAD to bring in another Morgan anyway....

      One aspect of Cory I liked in the early days and missed later on (though, in general, I think Cory's a character who got funnier and more unique as time went on) was his middle child syndrome. He had a cooler, charismatic older brother who had more in common with his dad, an adorable baby sister who was the apple of his mother's eye, and it left him feeling squeezed out. The awkward dark-haired obviously Jewish kid in this sea of smooth, sandy-haired WASPs. But when Morgan became a non-factor that got squeezed out. It was sort of replaced with "Cory's the good son, Eric's the fuck-up" which had merit too, but I think it'd be better if it was the kind of thing where Eric thinks he's the unfavorite, and Cory thinks he's the unfavorite. I actually find that happens in a families a lot.

    12. Eh, the Peter Tork thing is really more how he was in the first episode of "Boy Meets World" that I remember seeing--"Career Day." It's a Cryptid456 thing; I'm sure there's some episode or character you resonated with that I wasn't wild about.

      Keep in mind, I read your review of "Game Night" and was so turned off by the ending that I have gone out of my way to not watch that episode. I missed the finale too. So, Tork-Jed and Josh have had the same impact for me. I've only seen them twice.

      And how dare you say the Monkees episode was mediocre. REG! Reginald Fairfield!

      Yeah, I remember the days when Eric called Morgan "Weasel." Those were back when Eric was Mr. Cool. Good times, good times. I, too, am not a fan of Soap Opera Rapid Aging Syndrome, but occasionally I think it works. Boyd aging from a toddler to an early-elementary school student in "Last Man Standing" is the first one that comes to mind.

      And yeah, Middle Child Cory was great--even if we only really got to see the dynamic in Season One. It's a shame, since it's something that could have carried over for several seasons. We may get a glimpse of it in "Girl Meets World," though I'm not sure if either Cory or Topanga actually favors the child they have the most scenes with. It very well may just be the writing.

    13. I'm surprised no one mentioned that Josh was SORASed, he went from baby stroller at the start of Season 7 to a three year old in the Finale. I think SORAS of newborn to toddler works since its just easier to film like in LMS.

      I wouldn't be a fan of a Morgan SORAS, even though technically with the age jump, it would make sense. It was fine when she mixed in with Eric, but it wasn't something I missed.

      I vote for Michael McKean's Jed since I'm a fan of actor. I suppose most people here might not have seen him in stuff like Short Circuit 2 and Spinal Tap. But I do love how his Jed is so jaded, I can see a hippie become bitter and sarcastic as his marriage falls apart.

    14. "I'm not sure if either Cory or Topanga actually favors the child they have the most scenes with. It very well may just be the writing."

      It would be interesting to see them shake up that dynamic a little bit. Maybe Topanga's won a spa day for two, and wants to share it with Riley. (It's been a while since they had some quality mother/daughter time). It would be interesting to hear what they talk about, what sort of questions they ask each other, and how they answer them. Corey and Auggie do something fun together.

    15. You know, Kit, an upcoming episode is "Girl Meets Cory and Topanga." If Topanga's the one who begins telling Riley the stories, assuming the theories of it being flashback-heavy and not just exposition are true, we could get the Riley/Topanga mother-daughter scenes everyone's been asking the writers for.

      I think you and I need to be careful. We're getting close to falling down the rabbit hole again. I just got outta there, I don't want to go back in. Though, I suppose it's not quite as bad here as it was before, since this is mostly character analysis. But still...it's scary down there.

      And Ben, Josh wasn't really SORASed in the finale. As I recall, Jacobs called his wife and asked if she had their toddler son Daniel with her. The infant they were using for the scene wasn't working--too fussy or kept falling asleep or something. In any case, considering how Toddler Josh squeals "TO-PANGA!" I actually rather enjoyed seeing him. I think a toddler works better than an infant there. Heck, it might be Josh's earliest memory.

    16. But the rabbit hole can be so much fun! However you do bring up a good point. Christian/Sean-What are the rules for the comments section for the character battles? What constitutes off topic for these posts? I want to be part of the conservation, not derail it.

    17. I'd rather not start making rules when we're supposed to be having fun. Just use your judgement.

    18. Fine then. I say we avoid the rabbit hole at all costs. I peaked down there and I saw the sequel to Tim Burton's "Alice in Wonderland." Like I said....the rabbit hole is scary.

    19. Has anybody but Maya ever said anything in favour of a Maya/Josh pairing? Even those odd college girls in Tots, using the same in no way difficult math as everyone else, came to the same conclusion as everyone else: not now, maybe later.

      I didn’t read too much into Josh escorting home the girls. Maya’s prophesy was self-fulfilling, perhaps intentionally so. Once said, what other choice did he have? But wasn’t the first thing he said to them something to the effect of him staying and them leaving?

      Was that actually Sabrina Carpenter being whipped around on Josh’s back earlier in that episode? Seemed to be. It looked a little dangerous and something that could have gone wrong. It reminded me of another Josh moment, in Home for the Holidays. Auggie, arms flailing and eyes wide (or so I remember), gets dropped from atop Josh’s shoulders and face plants into a sofa. Since they cut from that very quickly, that may not have played out as intended.

    20. To answer your question Miles, literally nobody in the entire show has given any serious credibility to Josh and Maya pursuing a relationship. The fans on the message boards and the fanfiction archives...well, most of the writers are teenaged girls so do the math. (And that's actually statistics, I'll have to check my source, but I'm pretty sure around two-thirds of fanfic writers are girls).

      Yeah, Josh was pretty much talked into walking Maya and Riley home. And yeah, he didn't exactly have a choice. But Maya nothing--imagine what Cory would do to him if he learned that his brother had let his niece and her friend walk home alone in New York City at approximately midnight?

  2. Josh over Jed for me. The worst thing you can say about Josh so far is that he might have a thing for his niece's BFF who's a little too young. Jed, at worst, is a complete ass. Plus, this new introduction to the Josh character is fresher in my mind than Jed. Call it recency bias, I guess.

    Coin flipped on Lonnie and Frankie. Frankie won. Really fun character, plus as a pro wrestling fan, the Vader stuff was always fun for me.

    Minkus over TK, obviously. Minkus, despite his sort of mistreatment, is one of the most indelible characters in the BMW/GMW universe. And not just because he's Farkle's dad. His rivalry/longing for Topanga was some of the best banter that BMW ever produced.

  3. Oh, I should say who I voted for:

    Josh, Lonnie, T.K.

    Josh for kind of stated reasons. Lonnie because I liked Lonnie a lot, and always thought it would have been fun if they hadn't ditched her so soon and actually paired her with an Eric for a bit. Frankie *should* win, but I knew he would, so I wanted to close the spread a little. And I just love T.K. a lot. Minkus isn't a big deal to me.

  4. Minkus, Frankie, Josh. Ok, once he hits 18/uni, i see the problem- BUT, am i the only one not seeing it at 14/17? And why's she in second form at 14?

    1. I don't think it's the explicit numbers that bothers people. Maya and Josh are clearly at different levels of maturity. She's portrayed like a kid, he's portrayed like an adult.

    2. Not only that, there's a certain level of Freudian undertones to the whole thing. Maya's father left the family. Josh is several years older than her, so by pursuing him, it's like she's trying to get her father back.

      God forgive me, I just referenced Freud. I /swore/ never to remember any of his teachings.

    3. Also Josh is a high school senior and Maya is still in 8th grade. While they haven't told us explicitly, you have to assume that Josh has dated several girls and had several real (long term) relationships by now. He is in an appropriate emotional state at this point. We KNOW that Maya has never even had a real date yet (as referenced in First Date). While she may feel she is ready to date Josh, her emotional reality is that she cannot be ready for the type of relationship that Josh would be expecting at this point in his life. At this point it wouldn't matter much if the difference were 2 years or 5, Maya isn't ready for the type of relationship Josh would expect, and just trying would probably trash any chance they might have far in the future when age wouldn't matter nearly as much.

    4. Here are my votes, if I had had the chance to vote. Because I enjoy discussing these.

      As much as I like the Monkeys and Tork's version of Jed, later incarnations completely ruin the character for me. So Josh for me.
      P.S. Does anyone else but me thinks that Jed is a Timelord?

      Lonnie is my favorite female character from the original show. So while I do love Frankie, she holds a special place in my heart that I'm sure most fans don't share with me.

      Stuart over T.K. of course. Though so far his reappearances on GMW haven't really progressed his character much. Maybe in the future......

    5. Jed a Timelord? Haha!

      I swear if they show us Topanga's parents again and they are played by new actors again I might lose it. It is one thing when you replace an unimportant character with another actor, but we already have 3 Jeds and 2 Rhianons. I myself preferred the last set we had in season 6/7.

      Tork was pretty good, but I am so old I actually watched the Monkees first run when it was new, so I just can't see those guys as anything but themselves.